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Old 21st September 2017, 18:27
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me."

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Old 23rd September 2017, 03:10
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A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before the problems start!"

He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!"

The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?"

The man answers, "Now the problems start!"
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Old 23rd September 2017, 10:03
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Old 24th September 2017, 05:26
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Bob left work one Friday evening.

But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his mates and spending his entire wages.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

He replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
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Old 25th September 2017, 03:35
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The teacher said to his class, "Please stand up if you think you're stupid."

Nobody stood up, so the teacher said, "I'm sure there are some stupid students in this class!"

At this point Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, "Oh Johnny! So you think you're stupid?"

Little Johnny replied, "No, I just felt bad that you were the only one standing."
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Old 26th September 2017, 04:23
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I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn.

It doesn't cure it but it keeps the bed sheets off my legs at night.
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Old 26th September 2017, 17:54
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Two windmills are standing in a field. One asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"

The other one says, "I’m a big metal fan."
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Old 27th September 2017, 03:10
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Neil Patrick Harris Undercover on The Voice


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Old 29th September 2017, 05:13
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I was on a flight the other day when the air hostess came up to me and said, "Excuse me sir, would you like to have dinner?"

I said, "What are the options?"

She said, "Yes and No."
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Old Yesterday, 04:01
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Please feel free to use these pick up lines.

*
I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Rocker.

I think I've just found one.

**
There's something wrong with my phone...

It doesn't have your number in it.

***
Hi, I'm Mr. Right.

Someone said you were looking for me.
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